Differentiation of self as an indicator of functioning

Question: Have you experienced/observed age discrimination in our field? In what ways? I am giving a CE training on the topic and would love to hear more about people's lived experiences with this!

Answer: Interestingly in my 56 year career as a Psychiatric Social Worker I have never experienced what I would consider "age" discrimination, but I have encountered often what could be called "experience" discrimination especially when I was over 50 looking for higher level positions when the people interviewing me had less experience, competence, and skills that I did. They were usually courteous and somewhat dismissive and I knew they were never going to hire me because I could easily do their jobs. It is very interesting how many mediocre people are threatened by competence.

Further answer:

Another factor even less talked about than experience is the level of differentiation in a hierarchical emotional system. Using Bowen's concept of differentiation of self (DOS) as applied to emotional systems having a subordinate more differentiated than a superordinate in an emotional system is toxic ground for all kinds of dysfunction.

This perverse hierarchy caused me much distress until I learned about emotional systems and had names for the dynamics being played out. The strain was still there but I became much better at managing it.  However, over the course of my 56 year career I resigned from three jobs because of my lack of satisfaction with the incompetence of my supervisor.

We don't have many words for this phenomenon but the one that often comes to mind is being "underemployed" or "overemployed" or years ago it was known as the "the Peter Principle." when a person is promoted to their level of incompetence.

Question: Is a national government an emotional system?

Answer: Yes, a national government is an emotional system. Of course, we have three branches of government and so we can consider the emotional system of the executive branch, the legislative branch, and the judicial branch.

A symptom of the perverse hierarchies based on differentiation based on differentiation of self is the resignations on principle. Of particular note is the number of resignations of very competent people in Trump's cabinet in his first term. Can you imagine Rex Tillerson the CEO of Exxon working successfully for Donald Trump just as one example?

In congress there have been a number of resignations because of incompetence of the leadership, notably, Liz Cheney, Adam Kinzinger and many others.

We could reflect on this dynamic much more extensively, but  I am not sure if it is necessary and I don't want to turn this into a political discussion. The focus of attention is on how emotional systems function at all levels of society.

As an exercise when I was learning about Bowen theory, in one class we discussed the level of differentiation of the various presidents and the success of their administrations. While highly speculative, it was very informative about the theory.

When you observe any organization and you attempt to ascertain the level of differentiation of the leaders at various organizational levels I find the concept extremely helpful. I also have used the concept in hiring and promoting people in the organizations I managed when I had hiring and firing authority. Facilitating the enhancement of a person's level of differentiation is one of the most important purposes of psychotherapy and supervision. This presumes that the therapist and supervisor are at a higher level of differentiation than the client or the supervisee. Enhancing the therapist's level of differentiation is one of the reasons that psychotherapists should engage in their own therapy. Self awareness and understanding of what makes one tick is an important factor in an effective therapist and supervisor.

A good book that deals with this concept is Edwin Friedman's book, Generation To Generation, in which Friedman applies Bowenian concepts to church organizations. Another of Friedman's books that address organizational and societal dynamics from a Bowenian perspective is Failure Of Nerve which was published posthumously after his death.

How to assess your level of emotional maturity.

 

I often share with clients Murry Bowen's ideas of "reactivity" vs. responsiveness." 

Being emotionally reactive usually creates problems for the individual and the people they are in relationship with. By contrast being responsive, meaning that the individual has developed purposeful and deliberate ways of handling distressing emotions in their interactions with others, usually results in more satisfying and fulfilling ways to functioning.

What is Bowen's idea of "differentiation?"

This is the first of several articles about major concepts in Murray Bowen's family systems theory.

Bowenian Family Systems theory has been a major cognitive map or model which informs my psychotherapy practice. It assists me in thinking and understanding my client's situations and I often share Bowen's ideas with my clients in the hope that understanding Bowenian concepts will be helpful to them in enhancing their self knowledge and in being purposeful and intentional in their interactions with others.

The topic of this article is on "differentiation."

Differentiation is simply "self knowledge," one of the major components of what is called "Emotional Intelligence."

How well do you understand what makes you tick? People who understand what makes them tick are described in collogquial terms as "having their shit together." Some people "have their shit together" and some people don't. Of perhaps a better way to think about this is "To what extent do I and other people have their shit together?"

This idea of self knowledge is based on Socrates statement that "an unexaminded life is not worth living." To what extent do you or others live an examined life? In psychology this capacity for examining one's own functioning is called "reflective functioning."

When the idea of differentiation is applied to our every day functioning, it makes one consider whether one's behavior is "reactive" or "responsive." Reactive means that your buttons get pushed and you just engage in a knee jerk response with no thought or impulse control. Responsive means that you are able to resist impulsively reacting, step back, get yourself and the situation into perspective, and then decide how to proceed in a purposeful and deliberate way.

The goal in life is to always be responsive and never be reactive. Jesus, Buddha, and other enlightened masters were always responsive 100% of the time. They were enlightened, self realized, self actualized human beings. Few of us become "masters."  If a person can be responsive 80% of the time and reactive only 20% of the time, they have become very mature, semi - awakened human beings.

The idea of differentiation can be useful in assessing marital, family, and organizational functioning because the level of differentiation of the individual has significant consequences for marriages, families, and organizations. These idea will be shared in the next article.

To be continued