Friday, July 22, 2016

Fears of abandonment arise from early life experiences of instability

As human beings we all have a need for connection, acceptance, and belonging. Without it, beginning as children, we experience the world as unstable and unpredictable. How does a child cope with these feelings of insecurity? There are many ways and the predominant way of coping with this instability is influenced by temperament along with other factors.

How do these feelings of instability work for you?

Do you worry a lot that people you care about will leave you or die?
Does it seem that people come and go a lot in your life?
Do you find yourself getting anxious when people are late or tell you they have to go?
Do you find yourself not trusting people and not believing what they say?
Do you find yourself clinging and demanding more togetherness than the other person feels comfortable with and thereby pushing him/her away and your worst fear comes to pass?
Is this fear of abandonment a "viscous cycle" that seems to happen over again and again in your relationships and makes you miserable a lot of the time?

The desire for connection, acceptance, and belonging is normal. The way that people sometimes manage this desire and handle it may not be and cause problems.

What are some constructive ways of managing this desire for connection and acceptance and some destructive ways?

To be continued

1 comment:

  1. Fears of abandonment causes anxiety and many people attempt to self medicate their anxiety with alcohol, drugs, prescribed medications, sex, over eating, etc.

    None of these remedies work in the long run although in the short run they do provide some immediate symptom relief which makes them reinforcing and addicting.

    Most treatments don't deal, though, with the underlying problem, the schema or life script which is usually unconscious until someone points it out to the sufferer.

    The sufferer's suffering is not necessary, but it takes a while to get one's life on a better track. There are ways. Psychotherapy works!